Giggle Parenting N.O 10 – For Confidence

Giggle parenting is great for building our children’s confidence. The more we can be the silly, less powerful one, the more they can grow and shine.

My daughter loves working through these comics,  doing the stickers, and puzzles, etc. We got to this activity, where she counted up the bugs, and then had to draw her own bug.

”You draw one,” my daughter said.

Ok I thought. Here’s an area where she doesn’t feel so confident. So I said, ”okay, I’m going to draw a square bug.” Then the pen  drew a triangle bug, so I exclaimed acting all exasperated. ”Hey! Pen what are you doing? I said a square, not a triangle!” Then I tried again drawing a rectangle bug, but drew a sausage bug instead. Then I said I would draw a circle bug and ended up with a snail. Then I drew a semi-circle bug, and added six legs. Then the pen started adding many more legs. Every time the pen did it wrong I would start, exclaiming and complaining while my daughter laughed and laughed.

It’s little moments like these that can help our children to release tension, and their confidence. With each giggle we are closer to our child believing that they CAN do it, after all.

Sleeping Through The Night Without Using Cry-it-out

Closeup of a baby girl sleeping in her mother’s arms

On Wednesday I co-hosted my second #SnoozeChat with @SnoozeShade and my interviewer @GreatNorthMum. This week’s topic was sleeping through the night without crying it out.

Firstly one of the things that motivates me to teach and write about Hand in Hand parenting is that there is a lot of the parenting advice out there is just wrong, and completely unscientific. Never has this been so true as with crying-it-out. Even the Doctor who invented crying it out, now admits that he made a mistake!

Crying-it-out is a really short term solution, that can worsen your child’s sleep in the long run. In the short term, a baby gives up on being responded to and may fall asleep from exhaustion, with a high level of stress hormones in their body. But as they get older they may start expressing all that stress through nightmares, or other challenging behaviour.

I think it’s really sad that so many parents are lacking good information on children and sleep. We often think our only two solutions are to ‘cry-it-out’ or ‘wait-it-out.’ That we can either wait until our child miraculously starts sleeping through the night, or that we have to resort to crying it out because sleep deprivation is making our lives really hard.

In the SnoozeChat I talked about the third way of helping older babies and toddler’s sleep through the night. It’s based on the fact that one of the most common reasons that older babies (who are not hungry) wake in the night is because of emotional reasons. Just like adults babies, and children often wake because of stress and tension.

Babies are actually born with a completely natural way to regulate their sleep, and sleep through the night when they are ready; that is crying.

When we first become parents we’re on a steep learning curve. Trying to decipher our babies cries, making sure we meet all their needs, and figuring out how to be the best expert on our baby.

One of the areas in which most new parents (including me!) get confused is with our baby’s crying. Nobody ever taught us that babies don’t just cry to get their needs met. They also cry to heal and recover from stress and upset.

So when we’ve triple checked we’ve met all our babies needs, and they’re still crying, then it’s possible they are crying to heal. For me the tell-tale signs were that this crying happened regularly, often in the evening. I kept assuming my daughter was hungry, but she just didn’t seem to want to breastfeed. I would bounce her around, trying to pace the room and use movement to quieten her, until I realised that what she actually needed was for me to sit with her and be comfortable with tears.

Babies actually need to cry a lot to recover from their arrival into the world, and to release stress and overstimulation. The psychotherapist Matthew Appleton, talks about the ‘cultural blind-spot,’ we have around birth and how it can be painful and traumatic for babies, as well as mothers.

Listening to tears is how we can help our babies recover, and when they can natural regulate their emotions they will sleep better.

We most notice times of the day when we’re avoiding our baby’s emotions by ‘shhhing’ them, feeding them when they aren’t hungry, or waving a toy in front of their face to distract them from the upset. When we stop their feelings, what we are actually doing, is stopping the natural process they have for sleeping well.

If we simply stay and listen, our babies will naturally be able to regulate their sleep, and they will sleep through the night, when they no longer need to wake to be fed (at least most of the time!.

Crying is an important signal our babies give us. We should always trust our instincts about what our baby needs at any moment, as we are the best experts on our children. We should also seek medical advice if we are concerned in any way.

As we get to know our baby, we may get an idea of when they are fine and well, and simply need to be held and cry to heal. That’s one of the most powerful gifts we can give them, our presence and acceptance of how they feel.

It was a great pleasure to share these wonderful ideas with @SnoozeShade. You can read the whole #SnoozeChat here.

And if this post resonates with you, please share it with the sleep deprived parents in our lives! Crying it out is never necessary. And the whole family will benefit from a good night’s sleep.

For more information about the healing power of tears check out my post in the Elephant Journal here. You can also read my other sleep posts here. 

When Your Child Pushes You – Giggle Parenting Inspiration

Has this ever happened to you? Your child walks up to you, looks you right in the eye, and then completely out of the blue, pushes you?

Sometimes children ask for connection in the most challenging of ways. And it’s not their fault. In this article here, Patty Wipfler explains why children act aggressive when they are feeling disconnected, and how this can trigger fear and upset that causes them to lash out. Sometimes this disconnection can happen because of difficult experiences where they felt scared.

We probably don’t even need to tell our children that pushing or hitting is wrong (no child really wants to hurt others). What they do need us to is help them to process whatever stress or upset is behind their behaviour. Listening to tears can help. Laughter also plays a part.

It can take a lot of patience and understanding to save the lectures and act in a connecting way when your child lashes out. If you can manage the following game, it’s a great way to prevent aggressive behaviour from recurring. So when your child pushes you you might want to say in a playful way, ”hey!” and then actually encourage the behaviour. Tell your child that you hope they don’t push you into the living room/bathroom etc. And then stand waiting for them to push you. I’m sure they’ll take you up on your offer to play!l When you get there act all surprised about what you’re doing there. Repeat as long as they are laughing. Try pushing back (as long as it’s not to hard!) and walk backwards if that gets your child giggling.

Read here why getting giggles out in the moment actually reduces off-track behaviour.

For further reading Larry Cohen’s Playful Parenting is packed full of Giggle Parenting ideas.

Are you looking for some giggle parenting inspiration? Sign up to follow my blog for weekly ‘giggle games’ for all your family challenges. You’ll find a button to sign up in the top right hand corner of this page. Click here for the giggle parenting archives

Do you have a family challenge you’d like a laughter cure for? Just leave me a comment or connect with me via facebook and I can find a giggle answer for you!

The One Thing You Should Tell Yourself If You Shout At Your Kids

It’s not your fault. That voice didn’t come from nowhere. It’s not a reflection of your worth as a person or how good you are at this parenting thing.

That’s what we are led to believe because of the way we were parented. We were held responsible for all of our behaviour. So if we hit our sibling or stole some money from our parents wallet our parents would have most likely shouted at us/blamed us/punished us etc. We internalise this punitive, blame culture and feel terrible about ourselves.

Actually the brain science of children’s behaviour shows that when our children act in off-track ways, it’s because they got upset, scared, worried, or sad. When that happens, the part of the brain responsible for rational, reasonable behaviour isn’t functioning as well. All kids are born with a strong innate sense of right and wrong that sometimes gets forgotten in the heat of the moment. The same happens with us sometimes.

It’s not our fault, and it was never your fault. Our brains are more developed than our children’s, so we do have more self-control, but the brain science remains the same. When we get upset, stressed, worried. etc, the rational, reasoning part of our brain doesn’t function so well.

When this happens, the reason why we shout is related to our own childhood. When we can’t think through our actions well, we tend to react based on how our parents responded to us in similar situations. So if we got shouted out, hit, etc. we tend to react in similiar (albeit often less harsh ways) to our children. Sometimes, we start speaking in the exact sentences our parents used.

It’s not your fault, this is happening. It’s a reflection of the ways you were hurt as a child. But you can do something about it.

In Parenting From The Inside Out Dr. Dan Siegal explains how telling stories helps us to heal from the past, so we no longer need to ‘retell’ our history through our reactions. Making sense of the hurts and challenges we experienced means we don’t have to reinact them with our children.

The challenges you face as a parent are often a reflection of the difficulties you had when you were a child.

Creative writing and journalling is one way we can make sense of our past. With Hand in Hand parenting, we also do listening partnerships, where two parents exchange time talking and listening with each other, venting about what’s hard in parenting, and tracing these difficulties back to the past.

Forgive yourself, and nurture yourself, and it will then become easier to ‘forgive’ your child’s challenging behaviour too!

You might like to try answering this question, in a notebook, or with a listening partner. What are your current parenting challenges? How would your parents have reacted to you in a similar situation?

So print out this blog post, and keep it somewhere safe, so in those moments that you feel like you’re about to lose it you can remember, it’s not your fault. 

There is support out there waiting for you! You can join the Hand in Hand parenting group on facebook or the yahoo discussion group to find out more, or find a listening partner.

You can also sign up to my blog (on the top right hand corner of this page) so you can get regular supportive blog posts to your inbox. 

To learn more about the brain science behind our parenting and what we can do to keep our emotions in-check read, Parenting From The Inside Out

Giggle Parenting Inspiration – For Kicking Feet

If your toddler’s feet are getting a bit ‘kicky’ try this. Get a cushion, and have it say hello to your child’s feet. Say something like, ”I’m such a lovely gentle cushion, I hope you’ll be gentle with me too, I hope you won’t kick me, etc.”

This will probably be just the invitation your child needs to start kicking the cushion. Have it fly across the room, and land somewhere far away. Then the cushion can say in a playfully shocked tone, ”well, hello, to you too!” and then ”Hmmm, let me try again, maybe the feet will be more friendly next time.”

Repeat as long as the giggles flow, and you’re channeling your child’s aggression with fun and laughter. As that cushion flies across the room, they’ll be releasing fear, and powerlessness, and growing in confidence.

Looking for more tips for aggression? Check out my 20 playful ways to heal aggression. 

Do you want to learn more about how Giggle Parenting can transform your family life? Read Giggle Parenting – The Best Discipline Tool Out There! 

”But I haven’t got time for a listening partnership!”

I thought I would write this post for anyone who’s thought of trying a listening partnership, but feels like time is a factor that holds them back. And if you have no idea what a listening partnership is check out this great article here from Hand in Hand parenting instructor Roma Norriss.

Starting a listening partnership can feel like another item on the to-do list, but they actually ‘make’ time. When we clear our head of all our stresses and anxiety, the rest of our lives actually go more smoothly, so that time is a great investment.

For example, my house is often a mess (I spend a lot of time writing!) and I’m often too tired to tidy up. But after a listening partnership, I feel energised to tackle the mess. After clearing out my head, I’m all ready to clear out my living space as well.

When I started listening partnerships, I also realised tiredness can be emotional. Emotions are embodied things, so when we clear out those negative emotions, we have energy to tackle the physical work of being a parent. And when my house is tidy, I know where things are, which saves me the time of looking for things.

When our head is clear, we’re more likely to think of fun, creative ways to connect with our children. When our children are better connected they’re more likely to allow us time to cook dinner without being desperate for attention, or even enjoy the process of tidying up!  When we need to get out the door in a hurry they will be more likely to co-operate. We save time, because our relationships are going more smoothly.

When I first started listening partnerships I was feeling much more energised, and was able to give up caffeine. Although I’ve lapsed (several 100 times!) I find when I get a lot of listening time, and don’t need caffeine, I sleep much better. I don’t wake in the night so much, and I jump out of bed much more easily. I probably gain an hour or two simply by being more energised, and sleeping better.

Recently I was reflecting on a trainee Hand in Hand parenting instructor who asked me how come I blog so often. And though there’s a number of reasons I think it may be mainly down to listening partnerships. Listening partnerships helped me work on issues around confidence and self-belief. Listening partnerships helped me to get my priorities straight and think about what I did and didn’t want to dedicate my time to.

Time is rare and precious in this busy life, but when we have this amazing tool to release negative emotions, and think clearly, we can make the most of every moment we have, and build the life of our dreams.

To find a listening partner you can join the Hand in Hand parenting discussion group on Facebook.or the Yahoo discussion group

To learn more about the skills of listening that we use in listening partnerships, Hand in Hand parenting have alistening partnerships booklet, and a  self-guided study course, with videos, reading materials and everything you need to know to be a good listener. 

The Parenting by Connection starter class, allows you to experience listening time with a qualified instructor and get the chance to make connections with other parents too. 

10 Tips For Being A Good Listener

Being a peaceful parent, and trying to listen to our children’s feelings isn’t easy, particularly because many of us are trying to parent in a way that is radically different from our own childhood. When we were young there was little understanding of the importance of listening to children with warmth and patience, so our parents couldn’t give us a model of how to do this. Our unheard feelings from our own childhood get triggered in challenging moments with our children.

Another reason parenting is so challenging is that our busy, modern, society is not built around listening to each other. We often don’t have the time and support we need and so our feelings get in the way of us being the parents we want to be.

Once upon a time we did know how to listen. In many indigenous cultures there is a tradition of listening deeply to each other, and the healing power of doing so. These traditions suggest that the ability to listen, is something deeply instinctual to us, and that we can recover and relearn the skills.

Hand in Hand parenting is not just about listening to our children’s feelings, but about listening to our own, and those of the other adults’ around us. Listening partnerships are the powerful tool where two parents listen to each other, so that we can de-stress from the challenging work of parenting. We can build community where parents support each other, and want the best for each other. This gives us the chance to do the deep healing work we need to have the patience to accept our children’s emotions.

Here are my top ten tips for being a good listener. Whether you are listening to a partner, or a friend or family member is feeling upset, these should come in handy. If you’re new to the idea of listening partnerships, you might want to read this intro to listening partnerships before reading these tips.

1. Keep everything you hear confidential. When we do listening partnerships it’s always important not to refer to what’s been said outside of the session. These principles are also good to follow when a friend or family member confides in us. We gain their trust when we keep their words to ourselves, and don’t gossip with others.
2. Don’t interrupt – We have a natural healing process for releasing feelings through talking, laughing and sometimes crying. When we have the chance to follow our own train of thought, with a warm listener we will be naturally led to our own healing.  When your listening partner is talking don’t interrupt them. There are some things you can say in a listening partnership, that can help your partner when they get stuck and can’t release their feelings. Patty Wipfler talks about these in depth in her listening partnership booklet.
3. Trust that your partner/friend etc. is the best expert on their life –  If your friend or listening partner is having a lot of arguments with their husband, or struggles with their son’s aggression, you may think that you have the perfect solution. However everyone’s life is different, and our solutions may work fine in our own life, but may not be so appropriate for another. When people are upset, they find it hard to think clearly and listen to advice, however well-intentioned. When we listen and allow our partner to release their feelings, they’ll be able to think more clearly and can often come up with their own solution.
4. Don’t Tell Your Own Stories – In everyday conversation with friends and family it’s common practise to compare struggles, and the solutions we found that worked for us. This kind of back and forth doesn’t give either person enough time to do the deep healing work they need to release feelings. So when your partner is in the midst of an emotional upset don’t draw their attention towards your stories, and your life. Keep listening, and focused on them.
5. Don’t Judge – Your listening partner, or friend may be behaving in ways that may you think. ”Oh I’m such a better parent than that I would never do that!” But the thing is, the things that they find difficult in their present life are often a reflection of the ways they were hurt when they were young. Understanding this is how we remove judgement towards other parents. We can then move towards listening to them with compassion and unconditional acceptance. That gives them the safe space they need to begin to heal.
6. Let your partner lead the way – We do this in normal conversation, often changing the subject completely or digressing far from the original topic. However when we want to listen and help the other person heal, it’s good to let them steer the conversation rather than us. That way they can direct it towards their own healing.
7. Don’t try to cheer them up- If your partner is upset, because she’s desperate for a break from parenting, you might try ‘cheering’ them up by saying something like, ”it’s Wednesday, only two days till the weekend,” or ”well your mum’s coming next week, then she’ll be able to help out.” This is something we do quite naturally in conversation, probably because we grow up with an unconscious pattern of trying to avoid our own emotions and other peoples. So instead of trying to direct our partner away from their emotions we need to help direct them towards their emotions. We might want to say, ”tell me more about that,” or ”how is that for you?” So they can expand upon how they are feeling.
8. Offer a contradiction – If your partner is saying they feel like a terrible parent or a failure at work, and you know it’s not true, it’s good to tell them so. You may not want to do it when they’re in the midst of tears, as when they need is a shoulder to cry on. But if they’re finding it hard to get to their feelings, they may need a glimmer or hope, to know things aren’t so bad, so they can kick start their healing process. So tell them that they’re a fantastic mum, or great at their job. etc. And say it genuinely, when the timing’s right, rather than as a reflex reply.
9. Help Your Partner Laugh- Once you tap into your natural ability to listen you may notice moments when you say something that makes your partner laugh. Laugh along with them, and perhaps say more on similar lines to keep the giggles flowing. This is really just like playlistening for adults, and is all part of the healing process.
10. Listen if they cry. When our partner cries, we just need to be there and listen. We can offer real (or virtual!) hugs. We can offer a few empathetic words, but we don’t need to say much. Just our presence and our listening lets our partner know that they have a safe place for their feelings, and then they can begin to heal.

To find a listening partner you can join the Hand in Hand parenting discussion group on Facebook.or the Yahoo discussion group

To learn more about the skills of listening that we use in listening partnerships, Hand in Hand parenting have a listening partnerships booklet, and a  self-guided study course, with videos, reading materials and everything you need to know to be a good listener. 

The Parenting by Connection starter class, allows you to experience listening time with a qualified instructor and get the chance to make connections with other parents too. 

How Listening Transforms Family Life: An Introduction To Hand in Hand Parenting

 

Hand in Hand parenting is based on listening. It starts with being listened to as parents, which gives us the patience and energy to listen to our own children’s emotional moments.

When we do so, we discover that our children are naturally, good, loving, and co-operative, and it’s emotional upsets that cause them to behave in off-track ways. We can help them with their emotions through connection and listening, which keeps their behaviour on-track. Family life becomes much more fun and enjoyable for everyone.

It started one day over thirty years ago, when Patty Wipfler was a young mother, and was asked by a younger woman what parenting was like. When she burst into tears, and was listened to with warmth and empathy she discovered that crying (and laughter to!) is a healing process, a way we can recover from our stress and upset. She realised just how important is that parents get a chance to de-stress so they can be the parents they want to be.

Hand in Hand parenting is an approach made up of 5 Listening Tools. The foundation of Hand in Hand parenting is called a listening partnership, where two or more parents, share time talking and listening about how parenting is going. It’s based on the idea that our past experiences cause our present day difficulties.

When we talk about the challenges in our lives, with someone who listens to us with warmth and empathy, we slowly build the safety to show our feelings. We might laugh, we might cry, we might reflect on our own childhood, and as we do so we shed the baggage that gets in the way of being the parents we want to be.

With support from other Hand in Hand parents in classes or regular listening partnerships, we can begin to integrate the other Hand in Hand parenting tools into our lives.

Staylistening – Crying is a healing process, and scientific research has found that tears contain the stress hormone cortisol. When children cry they are literally releasing stress from their bodies that may have built up from upsetting experiences. Staylistening means staying close when our children cry or tantrum, and allowing them to fully express their emotions. We give our children affection and warmth, without trying to distract, stop or ‘fix’ things too soon. Our children can fully release the upset feelings that cause their off-track behaviour, and return to their natural, loving, co-operative selves.

Special Time – Set a timer for a period of time, perhaps 10-15 mins. Tell your child, they can do exactly what they want (as long as it’s safe!), and follow their lead. Let them fully direct the play, while you shower your love and attention on them. Special time is great before periods of separation, and really helps to build a strong sense of connection with our child. It also is a great way to reconnect after a separation.

 Playlistening – We pick up on what makes our child laugh, while they are in the more powerful role, and repeat it to get the giggles going, (except tickling). This helps our child to release tension, and it builds co-operation. It also builds children’s confidence to feel powerful and strong. Playlistening can involve roughhousing, which studies have shown reduces aggression in children, and helps healthy brain development.

Setting Limits – With Parenting by Connection we teach how to set limits in a gentle, connected way that builds closeness with our child. When we need to set a limit, we listen to our child’s feelings, with warmth and empathy, understanding that once they are free of upset feelings, they are usually happy to co-operate with us (if our request is reasonable!)

Want to get started with Hand in Hand? Here’s info about the Parenting By Connection Starter Class.

How Listening To Feelings Improves Sleep

Closeup of a baby girl sleeping in her mother’s arms

Yesterday I took part in my first ever twitter chat, talking about one of my favourite subjects; the emotional reasons for sleep challenges. I got interviewed for @SnoozeShade weekly #SnoozeChat.

It was really fun, and I loved the thoughtful questions that my interviewer, @JennyHicken asked me, as they were really a wonderful opportunity to share everything I learnt through Hand in Hand parenting.

And as Tweets are so brief, I decided I’d write a blog post here to expand on what we chatted about. You can check out the full twitter chat here.

So, one of the reasons I love chatting about sleep, is that the Hand in Hand parenting philosophy takes a really different approach – one that actually works! It’s because with Hand in Hand we look a bit deeper into what might be causing your child’s sleep problems.

So rather than focus solely on having a regular routine, we focus on the major reason babies and children have trouble falling asleep, wake early, or wake in the night – stress and emotional causes.

When I talk about stress, and children, parents often laugh at me. What could possible be making their child stressed? They don’t have jobs, they might not even go to preschool!

Well, stress can actually start in pregnancy. In the beginning our baby’s emotional life is intertwined with ours. If we experience stress, or emotional turmoil during pregnancy, that effects our baby too. Birth can also be a cause of stress for our baby, especially if it was a long or difficult process.

Our culture has a long history of not thinking too much about the emotional lives of babies. Because babies cry to communicate needs, we often think of our baby only in terms of needs, rather than emotions. For instance, they must be hungry, tired, cold etc. Especially as new parents, we’re so busy figuring out how to do our job, and meet our baby’s needs that it often doesn’t cross our minds that they can also cry for emotional reasons.

There will be times when our baby’s cry and they don’t have a need, and we can help them by simply holding them in our arms and being there. Hand in Hand parenting calls this Staylistening, it’s based on the research that crying is a healing process, and that when we cry, we actually release the stress hormone, cortisol from our body.  Allowing babies and children to process their emotions, and not trying to stop this healing process, is part of how they can naturally regulate their sleep.

With older toddlers, the emotional causes of their sleep issues may become much more obvious. Perhaps they get a new sibling and start school and then suddenly their sleep gets disrupted.

During the snoozechat I talked about the some of the things that can help. I explained the importance of listening to feelings, rather than trying to distract our child. I explained that if our child has a meltdown at bedtime, it’s always good to listen rather than try to distract and get on with the routine. I always notice with my daughter, that if she gets a chance to release her emotions, she’s in a much better mood the next day – even if it means a few minutes less sleep than normal.

And children who get their feelings listened to on a regular basis may not even wake up so early! As waking early can be a sign of emotional tension -listening helps with that too.

So that’s a brief summary of our chat. You can read it in full on twitter here.

And next week I’ll be co-hosting again, when we’ll be talking about sleeping through the night without using cry it out. Wednesday 30th March 11am GMT (12pm Central European time). Join us if you’d like to your questions answered.

Are you looking for more help for sleep? Read Sleeping Through The Night  and Five Sleep Secrets For Peaceful Nights. Hand in Hand Parenting also offers an online self study course. You can sign up to the mailing list here for more information. 

Nail Clipping Struggles – Giggle Parenting Reader Question N.O 10

‘S’ got in touch because she wanted some playful solutions for a toddler that doesn’t want his nails clipped.

So first schedule a time when you are at home, and have lots of time to play without your to-do list getting in the way. Get out the nail clippers, and tell your child you need to clip their nails, but with no expectation of getting it done quickly. Instead go for the giggles.

Ask your child if you can clip their nails, and then the ‘runaway clippers’ start clipping your nails instead. Tell the clippers, ”hey, what are you doing? I need you to cut (insert child’s name)’s nails not mine! Repeat as long as the giggles are flowing.

Have the clippers, ‘clip’ your ears, hair, toes, any body part if it gets your child laughing. If he finds the play really fun you can extend it into more and more outlandish ways, by having the clippers ‘clip’ door handles, items of clothing, or anything really. Keep acting more and more playfully frustrated that you just can’t seem to get the clippers to behave right.

Then you might want to ask your toddler, if they’d like a favourite toy to do the clipping. After lots of giggles they may have released any tension and be more likely to co-operate.

You can play similar games like this for toothbrushing, hairbrushing or face cleaning.

Sometimes it’s possible that children project bigger fears on something small and everyday like nail clipping or tooth brushing. If laughter isn’t enough and there is a deeper, underlying fear there that’s stopping your child from feeling safe in the situation, you may also need to staylisten to some of the feelings.

I know when I first introduced my daughter to teeth-cleaning, she would start crying when she saw the toothbrush. I didn’t rush in and clean her teeth against her will, and also I didn’t distract her, and try to make light of her feelings.

Instead I gave her the space, to express her feelings. I would show her the toothbrush. I would tell her I needed to clean her teeth and gradually move it closer to her mouth, but I wouldn’t actually clean them. I would listen to whatever feelings she had, gradually helping her feel safer, until she had finished crying. Then when she was ready, she was totally happy and at ease with me cleaning her teeth. After that teeth-cleaning was much easier, as she didn’t have any underlying feelings behind it now. Sometimes if she needs a bit of extra connection we’ll have a few giggles, and now that’s enough.

I hope this is helpful, and let me know how it goes!

Would you like a giggle parenting solution for your family challenge? Leave me a comment or sendme a pm via facebook

 

If you’d like an in-depth look at how laughter can solve behavioural challenges, then check out Playful Parenting by Dr. Lawrence J. Cohen.